Funny Pictures 4

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Funny Pictures 2

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Funny Pictures 1

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Skaam vir sy pa se beroep

Dis die eerste dag van die skooljaar en die nuwe Graad Eentjies se traantjies is afgedroog en almal sit in ‘n kring om juffrou. Om die kleintjies heeltemal op hulle gemak te stel besluit Juffrou Suzette om ‘n speletjie te speel: ‘Wat is jou naam en watse werk doen jou pappa?’

Klein Eileen se van is Arends, so sy is eerste aan die beurt.

‘My naam is Eileen Arends en my pappa is ‘n Posmeester.’

‘Dankie Eileen. Jannie, jy is volgende.’

‘My naam is Jannie Botha en my pa is ‘n mekeniek.’

Dankie Jannie, maar onthou, die regte Afrikaanse woord is motorwerktuigkundige.’

Volgende aan die beurt is klein Naas.

‘My naam is Naas Junior en my pa is ‘n .. is ‘n …. Hy dans vir ander omies en trek sy klere uit!’ Woeps, gaan sit Naas Junior, ogies op die mat voor hom.

Juffrou Suzette is amper uit haar Foschini rok uit geskok en as sy nie ‘n wonderbra gedra het nie, was sy dalk meer geskok. Sy begin toe sommer by die agterkant van die alfabet en vra vir Klein Koos Van der Merwe om te sê wat sy pa doen, maar dit is ‘n storie vir ‘n ander dag.

Na skool sien sy klein Naas by die hek staan en wag en gaan buk by hom. ‘Naas, is dit regtig waar dat jou pappa ontklee danse doen vir ander mans?’

Klein Naas kyk op die grond, na die motors wat ander Graad Eentjies kom haal, na die ou wat oorkant die straat gras sny, orals, maar net nie na Juffrou nie.

‘Wel Naas, dans jou pappa regtig in ‘n gay …….. dans jou pappa regtig?’

Naas lig sy traangevulde ogies om na Juffrou te kyk. juffrou, ek was te skaam om te sê my pa was ‘n Springbok, die ander outjies sal mos nooit met my speel nie!’

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Perfect Couple

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple were driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the Eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.

Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the only survivor?

If there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving.

This explains why there was a car accident.

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Suicidal Grandma

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl’s old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor’s office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. “On a woman,” the doctor said, “your heart wouldbe just below your left breast.”

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

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The Smarter Sex

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

The man replied, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”

The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, and extends it back to the woman.

Politely, the woman refuses to accept the bottle.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…”

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The Twist

It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in.

“Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.

“That’s cool,” says Bobby.

Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

Carrie’s father responds, “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie’s dad to repeat it.

“Yeah,” says Carrie’s father, “Carrie really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!”

Well, this just made Bobby’s eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good.

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: “DARN IT, DADDY! IT’S CALLED THE TWIST!”

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Them Texans

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, “Oh, Shit!”

Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, “Hey Y’all, hold my beer and watch this!”

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A Fishy Story

Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?”

The other guy says, “Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”

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